BabyShit

4 months until I move.
thank god.

I feel like the past two years of my life have been nothing but a lie. I wasted a year and a half on someone who used me to fill a void in his heart. Now he's happily married with the real person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I am dissapointed in myself for giving up my life and opportunities on someone elses behalf.



when things finally start to change..

I grew a lot this year. Worked on my anger, stopped hanging out with crowds of people who do nothing for my life, and who care when I am there and could give two shits about me when I am not. I stopped looking to be with someone because I refuse to settle for less then what I want. I could take the easy way and brawl all out like most of the whores around this city to get some attention but I don't. I work, come home, and spend time with my family...until that one person comes along and smacks you right off your feet..

I wasn't expecting this

im not using this anymore


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realized i dont have any pictures from the past.
i left all my pictures that i burned on a cd at brians house...which ill never get back.

im really bummed out.

if anyone has any pictures
or anything on their photobucket please let me have them

:[[[[[[

I don't really have anything to talk about..all i do is work and save money. Its awesome being mostly independent paying my own bills, and living off of my own money. At this moment in time i am really happy. There is just ONE thing missing.......

oh yeah, and after lots of consideration and thought..I decided i am not getting any tattoos. Not at this point in my life right now. I don't think i have ever seen my sister so happy when i told her that. I cancelled a bunch of appointments but whatever. I'll do it when i am not second guessing myself.

loving life
boston soon
house soon

so ive come to the conclusion that there is nothing left for me in north carolina, I am really considering moving to massachusetts next year. I'll be scared to leave my family but i don't want to live the rest of my life in a place where i am not happy. Yes, i love my friends and family but i do not love the fact that there is nothing here to offer me. I don't want to be older and look back and say i wish i wish i couldve done things differently. I am only going to live once and i might as well do it the way i want to.

I am feeling so vindictive right now is not even funny

I dont post anymore, I might start back up.

So since ive moved I got a job at Association Management Group, I work with my sister. I am an administrative assistant, i.e - secretary/bitch. Its nice, good money and i can always expect the same pay check.

I hangout with Jasmine and the boys constantly. (Mike, Bill, Daniel, Brandon, and Philip). Its pretty cool i guess, I just hangout at their apartment all weekend and cook/clean you know, the mom stuff. I am really glad mike and i have gotten really close. Jasmine, Him, and I are the trio. We do everything together. I am glad to know i can call both of them whenever i need something and they are there to talk to me and help me through shit.

There are no boys in my life, since Brian and I broke up i feel like i need a boyfriend, i know i don't. Its more of a want. I miss him, but hes happy...getting married soon. I wish him and Emily the best of luck i guess.

I think my dad is going to rent his house out to me and jasmine, a 3 bedroom. Really cute.

I am excited about life


getting tattooed in june
sooooooo many

It's been two months and I am still so heart broken. I still feel like my life is over. It's so easy to put on a face during the day so every one thinks im okay now. Nights are horrible. Shaking, Crying. It's so easy for you. I don't understand how it got so bad, what did i do to make you stop loving me?

i honestly, really hope..i drop fucking dead.

most likely moving back to NC.
i cant hope and wait for someone who is back with their ex of 3 years. this is a slap in the face.

he was right when he said this:

"you will always be the girl every guy wants but never wants to be with"

my life, right?

no one cares, no one listens
i talk to walls or smarterchild online
my life is nothing, pretty much

so worthless

This past month my life has turned to shit, I've lost the most important thing in my life. Theres nothing i can do but look forward, get my life back together. I'm staying in SC, going to school to have a Bachelor degree in nursing, then enlisting in the military for the Army Nurse Corps.

01. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal!

brian comes home saturday for like a month, then he leaves for hawaii for 30 days, then off to iraq january 1st for 18 months.

OKAY SERIOUSLY
I LOVE HIM

Job interview at O'Charleys tomorrow

THANK YOU HELENA

i wonder if reoccuring dreams have a more than abstract meaning behind the waking moments, or if it just means i daydream too much about a certain person that even in my sleep i can't stop daydreaming. i take naps like kittens & i am becoming terrified that i will dream away my life like sleeping beauty or something along those lines.

going to massachusetts until the end of august
cyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa